Four months have passed since I left my job. In this season of quiet I have finally begun to unearth the dreams of my youth, long buried underneath the rubble of expectations. Currently I am living in the in-between, still very much in the thick of the pursuing a decluttered home but already experiencing the freedom and joy of a decluttered schedule and a decluttered mind. It's a process, and I spent the last 25 years burying myself so I can't expect to dig myself completely out in a few short months.
When I was 17 and working in the bakery at Country Table a book on the Choice Books rack caught my eye. I decided to treat myself (it never took too much convincing to get me to treat myself to some new purchase) and that book, A Place Called Simplicity, began my journey of fits and starts toward my dream of a simple life. I knew with absolute certainty that I was wired to live a simple life, and that a simple life would leave room in my heart and my life for the deeper things, the things that mattered most.
I won't go into all the details but in spite of the certainty that never really left the deepest corners of my heart, I did not live true to my priorities. I spent the next 25 or so years burying myself under unneeded possessions, unnecessary projects, and unreasonable expectations (mostly my own). I was drowning and everything that mattered kept getting pushed to the side as I tried to prove my worth through owning the right stuff and doing the right things. And then I burnt out.
These last few months have felt like a generous gift, a luxury, and in the quiet I can finally hear. My priorities are becoming crystal clear, my home is becoming emptier, and I don't remember when I've consistently slept so well. For the first time in my life I am confident I will actually stick to the progress I have made. I feel lighter and freer with each load of donations dropped off. Like I said, it's a process, and I've still got a ways to go, but I am far enough along now to be reaping the benefits of shedding the unnecessary elements of my life.
When I went back to work I closed my Etsy shop and ignored my blog, and I still don't know if I'll reopen my Etsy shop. It's been very freeing to let it go but I do enjoy the design process, so who knows? I'm learning to hold everything loosely and wait to see where God directs me to take the next step. It also felt freeing when I left my old blog domain expire. I am very much in a season of clearing out the unnecessary to make room for whatever God wants to fill the space with, but sometimes I have words to say and it's nice to have a place to say them. I've long loved the name Crowns & Clay because of the spiritual significance of it (a blog post for another time) so I'm back with a new name and no expectations or goals for writing. I'm living my life right now very much in the day-to-day so I'll write when the words flow and I won't write when God has other things on my agenda for the day.
I'm a firm believer that Satan does not need to convince Christians to sin in big, grand ways in order to accomplish his purposes for destruction. He knows that all he needs to do is distract is, to keep us busy chasing the things that won't matter in the end. When we are too busy to get to know our neighbors, to visit the sick, to love our families well, to spend time with Jesus, or to get a decent night's sleep (well, unless you are a mom), then we are too busy. My encouragement for you today is to pause long enough to look, really look at your life, and ask yourself if what you see will matter in the end. And if not, since you are still breathing, it's not too late to change it.
This is not meant to be a criticism of those of you wired by our Creator to thrive with very busy schedules. Some of us were made to do it all and do it well, and some of us (me) were not. This is meant to encourage all who read this to be sure that when you are busy, you are busy with the right things. Let's not wait until the end of our lives only to discover the missed opportunities God placed in front of us. Let's stop holding onto the things that don't matter and make room for the things that do.
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