I was asked to share in church on how the sovereignty of God was a comfort to me in 2017. Here is what I shared.
Most of the people in this room today know that my father passed away on August 1, 2017 from pancreatic cancer. Our family had the rug pulled out from under us as Dad's string of five misdiagnosis over a span of seven very ill months came to a screeching halt with the news that he had 9 months to a year to live, followed within days by a stroke that brought it's own set of challenges to the ugly reality that is cancer. In the end, Dad only lived four months after he was diagnosed and his death was a great mercy from our loving heavenly Father, as he endured the most horrifying pain that few people can imagine in the months leading up to his death.
As I listened to Pastor Jonathan preach last Sunday about the sovereignty of God I found myself nodding in agreement again and again. The sovereignty of God proved to be a firm and steady foundation for our feet as my family and I walked through the valley of the shadow of death alongside my father. My faith in God's sovereignty is the only explanation for the peace I felt as I helplessly watched my father throughout his illness.
I remember saying to people many times over the last year that either God is good or he is not, and if I claim to believe that he is good then I cannot question the suffering that comes into my life. I can only trust in his love and kindness, his strength and his power, and his sovereignty. To question the suffering is to question the sovereignty of God, and what good is my faith then? If God is powerless over the suffering in my life then he is powerless to save me for eternity in heaven, and what use is there for a powerless god?
It really is as simple as that. Either I believe God is good or I do not, and after 2017 I can say with absolute certainty that God is good. Some might wonder how I can feel that way after watching Dad suffer but God graciously gave me and my entire family, including my father, clear eyes to see the many abundant ways that He was making himself known to us and providing lavishly for my parents many needs. I witnessed the flourishing faith of family members, the miraculous provision for my parents' financial needs, and the impact Dad's sudden openness in talking to anyone and everyone about God had on those he met.
My dad was never much of a spiritual leader when I was growing up but this man who never talked too much about God was suddenly asking strangers if he could pray for them, once even holding up the checkout line at Longenecker's Hardware while the folks behind him politely bowed their heads as he prayed for the cashier who was also battling cancer. God gave us a tiny glimpse of the front of the tapestry he was weaving of my dad's life and we were blinded by His glory at work in the midst of the pain and suffering.
Was my dad's suffering a waste? Could God not use my dad's suffering in ways far beyond our imagination? We only see the tangled mess of knots and loose threads on the back of the tapestry of our lives, but God sees the beautiful picture he is weaving from every moment, good and bad, that comes into our lives.
I believe that everything that happens to us as children of God is sifted through our Father's hands and that he wastes nothing. If God is good then I must trust him in the joy and in the suffering. When I turned 40 four years ago I had a particularly meaningful Bible verse tattooed on my left wrist, a verse that I had no idea just how meaningful it had yet to become in my life. Isaiah 46:4 says, "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
God does not promise us a pain-free existence this side of heaven but he does promise to sustain us, to carry us, through the pain. He promises to never abandon us in our suffering, and he promises to rescue us. God did rescue my father from his suffering. He took him home to glory, to gaze upon the beauty of Christ, no longer in pain. God has shown my father the front of the tapestry, and even though I have yet to see it for myself, I believe with absolute certainty that it is beautiful and it is good, and that is was woven by the hand of God.